A 2020 Resolution

I have never been one to have a new year resolution,  mostly because I didn’t expect I could keep any.  I did however give some thought to making a few changes.  Nothing too drastic, hence I fail.  But, something that is feasible and meaningful.   One thing I thought to improve upon is my communication skills.  Let me fine tune this statement, I would like to improve on the consistency of reaching out to friends and family. In addition to initiating and planning date nights with my husband.

It has been my practice that I keep in touch basically by others reaching out to me.  When it comes to girlfriend time, I usually will be doing something with the friend who reached out and asked if I would like to join.  I am not historically the person who makes a plan and spear -heads the involvement of others.  I was asked by my son, point blank, “Why not?” And I fearfully said, “I don’t know son.”  But then he called me out and asked if it was because I was afraid of being rejected.   Well shoot, way to make me accountable, son.  To be honest I think he has a point.  I’ve been known to take things too personally and for someone to say no, they aren’t  available, stings just a little. Being rejected is tough.  I know I am not alone.  Most of us have felt slighted by someone saying they have other plans or attempted a larger activity and it never coming to fruition.  Insecurities have a way of showing up and slowing us down.  I must learn to push ahead and keep trying to make a plan happen.

As for my family, it has more to do with not having anything new to share.  Which, isn’t always a bad thing.  But, I convince myself there is no need to call unless  it has that update or new value feel.   It’s time I changed my mindset into one of creating connections, and remind people that I do care by taking the time to call and just say hello. My mother in law and sister in law talk to each other every day.  My excuse is that I feel redundant with my activities.  I feel as though what I have to share is boring. (Uh oh, here comes the insecurity train.)  I need to call my mom more often to just tell her I’m thinking of her and hope she is doing well.  I worry about her so much more now as she has gotten older.  It could be misconstrued  by many that my lack of calling indicates that I don’t care, but that is so far from the truth.  I am not going to make any excuses. Well, maybe just one.  The lack of  communicating  was the norm for me in my household.  My folks never just chatted with me.  Communication was by necessity only.  I may just be falling back on a recessed normal and using it as my crutch for lack of connecting.

Speaking of connections, I need to make more of a connection with my husband.  HIstorically he has been the one to plan our outings due to his job dictating his availability.   However, this is no longer the case.  I am sure he would be thrilled with my making a plan for us, it would show I care and I want to spend time with him.  It has been so often that he does the asking and the planning.  Lately I have been complaining that we don’t do enough and yet I haven’t so much as planned movie night.  It may have to do with football season, that takes up a bit of time.  But no more excuses, it’s time for me to show accountability and plan of action.  I want to prove that I can plan and execute. It’s embarrassing just thinking of how surprised this will make him.

So with that said, I am going to make a point of planning some activities, a happy hour, a hosting of Survivor, or movie night.  I will plan a date night.  Instead of suggestively  saying  to my husband we should have more plans,  I’ll plan our activity and give the poor guy a break from always initiating our outings.  I am committed to calling family to just say hi and check in on how their life is going.  This will be my effort to keep the lines of  communication open.  I will call with no purpose other than to keep in touch.  I will also keep a smile on my face and make sure the feeling that I care is executed loud and clear.

 

Just a thought..

Well, make that many thoughts.  Are you familiar with that certain someone who has a reputation of non-stop chatter? I have a mind that tends to act just like that someone.  I have a tendency to think about many things while wondering, “Is it just me?” “I can’t be the only one who thinks these things.”

Fortunately, I am aware it is not, but I know better than to say all these thoughts out loud.  So I plan to use this blog as a way to get those thoughts and ideas out there in the internet universe.  Perhaps it will be a self-discovery, a way to find the voice inside to become a more confident voice in sharing.   Maybe it will just be a meme that sums it all up.

Let’s just see where this thing takes us.  Let’s see how long it lasts.